Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The things we learn.

first day of my third semester of nursing school
I did it! WE did it! I am happy to scream from the mountain tops that I’m DONE with my third semester of nursing school! (I’ll be a real live nurse in May!) I'm not going to lie, this was the semester that almost broke me….I took on a little bit more than I should have with 15 credits and I just about crumbled under the weight of care plans and tests and hundreds of millions of  pages of books I was supposed to be reading. I spent every week in the hospital--I took care of teeny tiny babies in the NICU, watched newborns enter the world, spent nights on med/surg floors, learned about critical care in the ICU, and worked my first shift in the ER (my favorite!) 

on top of Timp in August

But the best thing I learned, was how absolutely amazing my kiddos are. Counting all my pre-reqs, this was my third year of school since I went back (where does the time go?!) My mama heart has been holding on to some guilt--worries about all of the things I “should” be doing with and for these two. It has been a real struggle for me, and for some reason hit especially hard this fall. I continually questioned if I was doing the right thing--not for myself--I knew I was. But was I doing the right thing for them? And then I looked up one day, and realized how much they have grown. They cook! They clean! (don’t worry, they still put up a good fight on this one) They make me cookies any time I ask. They excel in school and their climbing and soccer. They look out for one another, they look out for me. Jonah is the first to ask "what did you learn in school today mom?" I find notes on my pillow before I go to bed at night from my Lu. They are my teammates and my best cheerleaders, and if I felt like breaking into song, they are sunshine on my cloudy days. Maybe this whole going-back-to-school thing hasn't been as hard on them as my imagination lead me to believe.

And as long as I'm here giving my Oscar speech, I'd also like to thank this guy.
If he was a cliche' he'd be things like my glue and my rock, and my blah blah blah. More importantly, he was the guy who brought me Lola's when I was starving. He forced me out on my bike when I'd been sitting too long. He drove me to the desert and hiked me out into the middle of nowhere so I could unbury my sanity. He played guitar every night while I sat at my computer and pounded out letters to form words to form papers with no end. He made me laugh, like he's always done, and he promised me I'd be just fine, and assured me I wouldn't crumble.
And......I didn't. 
I met every deadline. Passed every test. I did have to learn to let go of some perfectionism and realize I just.can' all the time, which is a great thing to learn, let me tell you. I learned that my kids are excelling, and I am just fine. And although it's hard to admit, I should probably listen to my husband because he is usually often sometimes right. 
I learned something new, imagine that.